BANI Sabloit arrived at a small beachside café in Kupang wearing a shirt bearing a slogan he has vowed to uphold for life, "Laki-laki sejati sonde pakai kekerasan," meaning: real men don’t use violence. He smiled when he recounted how he defied the patriarchal system, when in fact he had grown up in that setting.

Bani used to be like most men in Kupang, East Nusa Tenggara (NTT). He often felt he had to prove his masculinity by doing such "manly